Over the Legal Amount?

Over the Limit?

Is Your Description Above The Legal Amount? Don't imprison your story with description!

This is often a crime-ridden area for authors. The culprit is our instinct to throw all the description out at once. We want our readers to see exactly what we do, at the same moment we do, so we may describe entire scenes before getting to any action or story.

What makes this tendency so serious to writers is the the reader's interest. Don't forget to critique yourself based upon your personal reading standards. When you see page after page of solid description, do you wonder where the real story is? Where's the plot? Is it in the vase on the second page or the garden on the fifth? While we only care to preserve what we see, a reader will want to know why they are seeing what they are. Why must they go through four pages of description in order to get a hint of the plot?

Over-description, while visually appealing, is still flat and useless. It's much ado about what amounts to nothing without a story. It is best left to a character's "sight." Introduce someone and have them look around. You aren't telling the reader anything, they are naturally absorbing all the character "sees."

Here are some examples of over-description and how to improve it.

"Walking In the Room"

Excessive Description:

"She walked in the room. The rich mahogany wood of the vaulted ceiling amazed her. The glorious marble floors seemed to go on forever. She stepped slowly, digesting all that was around. Purple irises and white lilies jutted out of priceless vases, the massive mantle was gilded, and the area rugs were a deep burgundy. The end of the hall held a grand staircase with sweeping banisters that sloped to the sides in a curl. She approached the steps, wondering if it were all a dream. The doors she passed held formal rooms full of antiques and priceless works of art."

While the house is beautiful, it is too much. Even this small amount of solid description hides the fact that she walked through a hallway. It also masks what she is personally receiving through her senses aside from sight. How many times have you walked into a room and lost all sense, but that of vision? Is the character hearing anything? Is she touching anything? It's not mentioned if it is. Now for the biggest question: why should we care why she is seeing it at all?

Just include a little action with the existing description and it becomes:

"She slowly walked in the room. Her eyes drank in the magnificence around her. She paused and stared upward for a moment. The rich mahogany wood of the vaulted ceiling was worth a small fortune alone.

The glorious marble floors seemed to go on forever. She resisted the urge to throw her shoes off and walk across them in bare feet. She stepped slowly as she gawked at the richness that now belonged to her. It was a surreal and dream-like house far from the one bedroom mobile home she'd lived in for two years.

Fresh purple irises and white lilies jutted out of priceless vases. She had to touch them as she walked passed, everything seemed unreal. The massive gilded mantle in the parlor engulfed the room. How could she possibly clean the Oriental area rugs without damaging them?

The end of the hall held a grand staircase. It became more intricate as she approached. The sweeping banisters sloped to the sides in a curl. She approached the steps cautiously. She gawked inside the last two doors she passed before the first step. Both rooms made her heart jump. They were filled with antiques and priceless works of art. In just one week she'd inherited more than she dreamed possible."

The emphasis remained on the home, yet was noticed through the eyes of a moving character. She traveled when she studied the house. She didn't just stand and take inventory. We now know that she is seeing her home for the first time. It seems she is feeling a little overwhelmed now that she owns such a property after the home she was accustomed to. Just a little bit of action and creativity has developed both the character's full reaction along with some of her history.

When your characters approach any room or setting, they should do so as you would. They first step in a room and their eyes go to the most prominent feature such as a large colorful vase or a fireplace. With another step, they will see another quality, like furniture or paintings. You can introduce bits of detail as your characters see them. Chances are, in every situation, your character will be walking, sitting, looking for a seat, or some other action while they examine their surroundings. A stationary character doesn't do anything else.

For the next example we will take a large city in the early morning.

Excessive:

"The morning sun brightly crept across the roofs and streets below. The golden rays infiltrated the once-dark alleys below. People rushed about, all concerned with their own duties for the day. Cars beeped and honked as the usual traffic jam was developing. Radios blared in some cars battling the stereos in others. Shopkeepers were unlocking their doors and opening their windows in anticipation of the day's profits. Bakeries and cafes were placing the finishing touches on their daily offerings to hungry visitors. The red light on Main Street was broken again. The constant flashing did nothing to ease traffic through an otherwise empty area. All stopped and yelled outside their window, every person wanted to go first. She looked down from her apartment and knew this was the day."

There is much activity in the paragraph, but it would read better if written in a cleaner and more character-active way. Was the main character so unimportant that she wasn't introduced until the last sentences? Most importantly, what was this the day for? It is a tantalizing tidbit to throw at the end of the paragraph.

When you do it again through the eyes of the main character, it becomes a completely different piece:

"The morning sun brightly crept across the roofs and streets below. After another sleepless night, she knew something had to give. Something good had to happen or she didn't know what she might do. The golden rays blanketed the once-dark alleys and hurt her tender eyes.

People rushed about, concerned with their own duties for the day. She watched the cars beep and honk below. The usual traffic jam beneath her window was developing. Radios blared and stereos blasted from the mix of automobiles below.

She felt a touch of sadness as the shopkeepers unlocked their doors and opened their windows. They were lucky to anticipate a day's profits. She had nothing to look forward to. Bakeries and cafes placed the final touches on their daily offerings, but she had no money. The red light on Main Street had broken again. The constant flashing did nothing to ease traffic through an otherwise quiet area. It did even less to help her growing migraine. All the drivers had stopped and yelled outside their window. They all demanded to go first. She looked down from her apartment and knew this was the day."

Now we know what she's watching. We know she's poor and there isn't any hope in her life. Just a few minor changes told us a great deal more than an entire block of description. It was more active and more interesting.

When you introduce description slowly, it gives your readers a chance to see the scene without taking a tour of it. They can get the feel of a room without being forced through every stain or element. They get the atmosphere and the picture, while watching it all through a character's eyes.

In itself, description is a much needed and beautiful aspect of fiction. However, left to its own mechanisms, excessive detail can overtake your story and you'll be writing a real estate sales guide instead of a novel. There's nothing illegal with beautiful scenes in your works, they are often desirable. A simple check of the amount a reader must go through can ensure your work is free to roam where the Muse takes you without sacrificing your story.