Language is a delicate area and
can become unbalanced and destructive to your book when overdone.
Carefully, consider the scene you are in, and what a reader will see.
A reader will not know as much
about your book as you do, the creator. They will not see all that
you do. Every word is already needed to convey what that scene is,
before any question of profanity starts.
One great adage to bare in mind
when using profanity, "Actions speak louder than words." That is never more true than in a book.
Because this is a family-friendly
series, I will use blanks instead of the actual words. Adults reading
can fill them in as they deem appropriate.
The Detective’s Office
Many hard-core detective novels
misuse profanity in the mission to create a larger city’s
atmosphere. You must ask yourself if the amount of profanity is
realistic. While, there is no doubt that cops use language, is it
used appropriately?
Remember, cops are professionals.
They may be hot-tempered, arrogant, or anything else, but they are
employees. They have to adhere to rules, as well. Many situations
they are involved in will demand professional behavior. This does not
include profanity. Are they speaking with superiors? City officials?
Citizens? Chances are, in any of these mentioned situations, real
police officers will refrain from using profanity. The only
exceptions would be if your character is friends with a person in any
of these positions.
Can the actions involved with the
police station be propelled or boosted by looking for other outlets
to convey their emotions? Take this first example:
"I don’t give a ______
what they are saying. I couldn’t give a ______ less about what
they think. It doesn’t matter to me. I am so _______ sick of
this, aren’t you? Couldn’t you just kick all their
_________ for behaving in such a terrible ______ way?" He
slammed his fist on the desk, "__________, I could kill Johnson
for being such a ________ that’s so full of his own________."
The character is angry, that has
been established. But, look how much space was wasted just for that
profanity. It’s a pretty boring piece of work with the needless
areas. When you fill all of that in with action, it becomes something
like this:
"I don’t care what they
say, " he kicked the side of his desk. The metal panel thundered
when it came back to its original shape. "I could just kill
Johnson for doing that to me. I tell you, I could kill him." He
slammed a clenched fist down onto the desk.
Without wasting space or using
profanity, the character is much angrier in the second paragraph. His
actions speak much more loudly than the first paragraph where he
appeared more like an angry teen-ager. His physical actions spoke
much louder than his angry words.
The Cheating Spouse
This is an event frequently
mentioned in fiction. How can you avoid coming across as someone who
can’t really imagine it?
First, realize all people react
differently, so will characters. Some people would react violently to
situations, where others would be too shocked to even move. While
some would have outbursts and throw terrible fits, others would break
down in tears or just leave.
For this scene, we will say a
woman has caught her husband in bed with another woman. The author
has imagined her reacting in a stunned manner, yet she can still
verbally attack.
"How could you? Both of you?
And you," she looked at the woman. "You stupid ________,
you’re nothing better than a cheap ________. Look at you,
can’t even find a man of your own. And my husband," she
scowled at him. "Dear, dear, sweet, beloved husband. So loving
and devoted. You sorry _________, I hope you die and rot in _______.
You make me sick to my stomach, to think I loved you. You __________."
Again, we’ve wasted space in
hopes of showing more anger. Instead of using profanity as an only
outlet, try action:
"How could you." She
scowled at the scampering couple who couldn’t find their
clothes. "You," she angrily charged woman. "How could
you? Thought you were pretty clever didn’t you?" She
stepped closer, both immediately stopped and cast a worried looked at
her. She enjoyed knowing they feared her. "Dear, sweet, beloved
husband," she started slapping her open palm against the
doorframe. The tension in the air became ominous. "I hope you
got her pregnant, you know that? Then, you’ll be saddled with a
kid from a viper of a woman. And you’ll be saddled with her
because I’m gone."
While the paragraph didn’t
shorten, it became much more active. It was much easier to place the
reader in the room because the attention was on her reactions, not
what she was saying.
With moderation, your dialogue
can remain realistic and contemporary. You don’t need to
eliminate it completely, it is something which does exist in our
world. Keep it brief. If you feel yourself directing attention
towards profanity as a source of emotion, quickly concentrate on the
actions of your character.
©2002-2006, Laura Wright. All rights reserved.
